Spherx's Domain

Some day’s I like to lay around naked with my dingle dangle hanging out, singing opera, and eating chocolate ice cream…I call this my Dingle Dangle Diva Day…This has nothing to do with anything I was just putting it down on paper to let everyone know I have a Dingle Dangle Diva Day…

I was walking in the park the other day whistling some phat beats, when I stumbled upon a small newspaper with ladies on it…It was called the Victoria’s Secret catalog…Who is this Victora and what is her so-called secret?…I decided to go on a journey to find out…this proved to be a little more difficult than I thought…Spherx and the gang had locked me in the park after I had smeared poop-staches on all of their self painted portraits…To be fair I painted one on my painting also…

So I had to plan an escape out of my poop-stache-painting-prison…but in order to do so I needed to make them think I was still inside that prison…so I, using a series of flowers and grass blades, painted a to scale version of myself standing in the corner…I then hid in the bushes and made a bunch of whispers to make people think that I needed to talk to them…Patches walked by and I whispered, “Free Brains”…he seemed to hear nothing and kept walking…Cora walked by and I whispered, “Hey there is a coupon to a hair boutique in here”…nothing…finally some carny looking bastard who had a wheel holding his head up was walking by…I whispered, “Hey Bro come check this out”…He paused and opened the gate using his massive head butting powers…

I started to walk out when I realized he too left a stream of urine on the ground…curious…any who I ran off to find Victoria’s Secret…I hope it is something dirty…like really dirty…

There it is. Circled on my calendar with little red hearts is Valentine’s Day. But what’s the point? I’m not going to get to enjoy it. I’m the only female of my kind on this stupid rock and the only accessible males of my species lack ANY potential to be quality mates. Thus I’m stuck spending another year dreaming of what’s it’s like to feel special to someone.

What would that be like? I can just see it now… as I sprawl out across my bed in the moonlight, wearing my lace nightie, I await my hero’s passionate embrace. My Adonis of a knight, bearing rose petals and chocolate…

Wait. Scratch that. That’s too girly even for me. Why bother even thinking about it? It’s only gonna make me more upset. No, you know what my dream Valentine’s Day would be? One of these six unfuckable goons I’m stranded with bites it while running out into traffic! Then Mac cooks me an Italian dinner while  Bug adorns me with the finest jewels he can fetch from his helmet. As I relax, encrusted with diamonds, I watch Quiphen punt IC to Patches who then tears that little creep limb from limb!

And then there’s Spherx… well, maybe not. Someone has to die in traffic.