Bug’s Research On The Refrigerator Light – Day ???

When I regained consciousness I had been tied to a steak (T-bone if I’m not mistaken). It was then that I realized I was standing in front of a sort of military tribunal. What shocked me the most is I recognized everyone there.

The Tuna Salad Sandwich that Quiphen tried to make. The Spam that Tergix left under the couch as a joke. The pudding (that no one believed was pudding made by Idiot Chittix. The milk that still had a picture of Spherx on it (for more information on the abduction of Spherx read back postings, needless to say it was a while ago).

“The intruder shall be put to death the next time that the evil light awakens,” said their leader (which almost looked like all of Cora’s failed attempts at cooking edible food. Maybe it would be more accurate to say ALL of Cora’s attempts to cook food). Unfortunately I still could not interpret the strange sounds coming out of their mouth. But a quick stage production later I think I got the gist of it.

At this point all hope seemed lost: from my understanding, my life rested solely on Big Mac not opening the refrigerator door. When I put this through the probability drive on my helmet, I got a readout that said “Fat Chance”. Unfortunately “Fat” seemed to be the operative word. It was then I realized my helmet was slowly trying to suck itself into the dimensionless compartment. (Lousy helmet always trying to run out on me).

Then without warning the door opened, the end was near Mac was reaching for something to eat. The natives started to push me towards his outstretched hand. When he grabbed me, I knew was done for. I escaped once by sheer luck, but who knew what his stomach could handle now.

Then a miracle occurred he put me down and closed the fridge. “Of course, my sign I nearly forgot about it.”

The natives were amazed. If I interpret their words right, they wanted to know why I wasn’t consumed. I showed them my sign. After that they all wanted one. (Never really considered myself a trendsetter, but hey if you got it flaunt it).

After they were all wearing Einme Brand clothing with that wonderful phrase “Fat Free” printed everywhere they became much nicer to me. I found out they were called the fungux, and they told me to come back any time.

Thus concludes my report on whether or not the light goes out in the fridge when the door is closed.

My results on this experiment were. Inconclusive. Some things men and quirxes and chitti were just not meant to know.

-Bug