Well as you can tell, not a fucking thing has been going over the past month at the warehouse.  With good reason too.  Since all of us have a combined total of 86 arrest warrants out on us, some more then others, we have had to lay low and not be “harmful to society” anymore according to our “attorney”, IC.  Well, after 3 hours we were nearly out of booze and there is only one woman here and she’s a raging bitch, so we were getting antsy. 

Since I had flat out nothing to do, I was wandering the halls dragging a mostly empty bottle of Jameson when I happened across Bug’s lab.  Bug, being brainy and douchey and someone who actually enjoyed “working”, was hard at work on something.  I sloshed in and asked him “hey fuckie, whaths you doinenen?” to which he replied “…”.  WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  So I opted for plan B.  I grabbed him by the back of the head, opened his mouth and poured the remainder of my bottle of Jamo down his throat.  Well it had an extreme effect on the little Bugger.  He started staggering all over and singing!!!  HI-larious. 

What happened over the next 3 hours is a blur.  But when I awoke, bug and I were naked sprawled on the floor with excreted bodily fluids all over the room.  Suddenly, an alarm started and one of bug’s “machines” on the wall started to vibrate.  Bug shot up and yelled “holy shit!  My cloner!”.  Not knowing what a “cloner” was, I didn’t care.  At all.  Seriously, my head was pounding and Bug’s irritating voice was not helping the situation.  But he started complaining about “timing” and “sequences” and his machine “not being ready”.  Suddenly the machine started making more noise, vibrating more, and all power from the warehouse was being diverted to the “machine”.  Which I’m sure pissed of Mac because he couldn’t read his recipe book, pissed off Spherx because he was touching himself to his “Cora porn” and pissed off Cora because she was touching herself to her “Cora porn” and probably didn’t piss of Patches because he is dead.  As the light show continued in Bug’s lab, Bug ran around with fury while I sat there naked watching the show. 

Suddenly all of the noise and lights and vibrations stopped.  In the pitch black dark, only a small glow emitted from the machine.  Standing in the doorway of the machine was a grotesque figure.  As it stepped forward with an oozing motion, bug uttered one phrase “it’s…. alive”.  As the horrible figure came into view, it was clearly obvious that this clone was part me.  Part Quiphen.  As Bug ran his tests on the slurping burping is was discovered that the abomination was a clone of 2 inhabitants of the warehouse.  One was me, and the other was… IC!!  IC had somehow stumbled on our drunked nakedfest and decided to contribute.  Some of his sperm must have ended up mixed with some of my vomit and formed a unique strand of DNA that found it’s way into Bug’s machine.  As this realization came to me, I heard a faint idiotic laughter coming from the hallways.  Bug and I decided that the abomination had to go.  Then we did something terrible.  We named it.  We decided on QuICphen. 

Kind of catchy isn’t it?  Anyway, as bug put together a molitov cocktail to end the short life of the little guy, he took off into the vents of the warehouse.  Over the next 3 minutes the extremely quick little douche ran throughout the warehouse.  Screams came form each crew member’s rooms as he ransacked them with great speed and stealing whatever he could get his hands on with Quiphen’s athletic prowess and peeing and pooping on everything with IC’s fury.  The last we saw of him was in IC’s room.  As I kicked in the door I saw QuICphen and IC staring at each other from across the room.  IC muttered “my son…”.  I took a step into the room and QuICphen saw me and took off into the vent that reached the outside world.  The abomination was loose in the city. 

I rounded up all of the domain and we spilled out guts.  Naturally Bug blamed me since I got him drunk.  After checking our rooms we found out that the only thing of real value that was stolen was Cora’s Frequent Flyer Credit Card.  Which has about 900,000 free miles on it so this little bugger could fly just about anywhere.  After following the pee trail that led to the airport, we bypassed security and headed to the terminal.  The pee trail came to a stop in the middle of the terminal.  There were 7 of us and there were seven outgoing flights in that terminal.  Having no idea where he went, we decided to split up.  The flights were Pittsburgh, New York, San Francisco, Kansas City, Orlando, Portland, and Minneapolis.  So as mastermind of the debacle, I sent Spherx to Pittsburgh, Cora to New York, IC to San Francisco, Bug to Orlando, Mac to Portland Patches to Minneapolis, and I’d take Kansas City.  We decided to meet back at the warehouse in a week whether we found the little bastard or not.  So as we all snuck aboard one of the flights, we pondered the destinations we were going, and what adventures might lie ahead…..

TO BE CONTINUED………..

Categories: Humor, News, Science

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