Spherx's Domain

Well as you can tell, not a fucking thing has been going over the past month at the warehouse.  With good reason too.  Since all of us have a combined total of 86 arrest warrants out on us, some more then others, we have had to lay low and not be “harmful to society” anymore according to our “attorney”, IC.  Well, after 3 hours we were nearly out of booze and there is only one woman here and she’s a raging bitch, so we were getting antsy. 

Since I had flat out nothing to do, I was wandering the halls dragging a mostly empty bottle of Jameson when I happened across Bug’s lab.  Bug, being brainy and douchey and someone who actually enjoyed “working”, was hard at work on something.  I sloshed in and asked him “hey fuckie, whaths you doinenen?” to which he replied “…”.  WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?  So I opted for plan B.  I grabbed him by the back of the head, opened his mouth and poured the remainder of my bottle of Jamo down his throat.  Well it had an extreme effect on the little Bugger.  He started staggering all over and singing!!!  HI-larious. 

What happened over the next 3 hours is a blur.  But when I awoke, bug and I were naked sprawled on the floor with excreted bodily fluids all over the room.  Suddenly, an alarm started and one of bug’s “machines” on the wall started to vibrate.  Bug shot up and yelled “holy shit!  My cloner!”.  Not knowing what a “cloner” was, I didn’t care.  At all.  Seriously, my head was pounding and Bug’s irritating voice was not helping the situation.  But he started complaining about “timing” and “sequences” and his machine “not being ready”.  Suddenly the machine started making more noise, vibrating more, and all power from the warehouse was being diverted to the “machine”.  Which I’m sure pissed of Mac because he couldn’t read his recipe book, pissed off Spherx because he was touching himself to his “Cora porn” and pissed off Cora because she was touching herself to her “Cora porn” and probably didn’t piss of Patches because he is dead.  As the light show continued in Bug’s lab, Bug ran around with fury while I sat there naked watching the show. 

Suddenly all of the noise and lights and vibrations stopped.  In the pitch black dark, only a small glow emitted from the machine.  Standing in the doorway of the machine was a grotesque figure.  As it stepped forward with an oozing motion, bug uttered one phrase “it’s…. alive”.  As the horrible figure came into view, it was clearly obvious that this clone was part me.  Part Quiphen.  As Bug ran his tests on the slurping burping is was discovered that the abomination was a clone of 2 inhabitants of the warehouse.  One was me, and the other was… IC!!  IC had somehow stumbled on our drunked nakedfest and decided to contribute.  Some of his sperm must have ended up mixed with some of my vomit and formed a unique strand of DNA that found it’s way into Bug’s machine.  As this realization came to me, I heard a faint idiotic laughter coming from the hallways.  Bug and I decided that the abomination had to go.  Then we did something terrible.  We named it.  We decided on QuICphen. 

Kind of catchy isn’t it?  Anyway, as bug put together a molitov cocktail to end the short life of the little guy, he took off into the vents of the warehouse.  Over the next 3 minutes the extremely quick little douche ran throughout the warehouse.  Screams came form each crew member’s rooms as he ransacked them with great speed and stealing whatever he could get his hands on with Quiphen’s athletic prowess and peeing and pooping on everything with IC’s fury.  The last we saw of him was in IC’s room.  As I kicked in the door I saw QuICphen and IC staring at each other from across the room.  IC muttered “my son…”.  I took a step into the room and QuICphen saw me and took off into the vent that reached the outside world.  The abomination was loose in the city. 

I rounded up all of the domain and we spilled out guts.  Naturally Bug blamed me since I got him drunk.  After checking our rooms we found out that the only thing of real value that was stolen was Cora’s Frequent Flyer Credit Card.  Which has about 900,000 free miles on it so this little bugger could fly just about anywhere.  After following the pee trail that led to the airport, we bypassed security and headed to the terminal.  The pee trail came to a stop in the middle of the terminal.  There were 7 of us and there were seven outgoing flights in that terminal.  Having no idea where he went, we decided to split up.  The flights were Pittsburgh, New York, San Francisco, Kansas City, Orlando, Portland, and Minneapolis.  So as mastermind of the debacle, I sent Spherx to Pittsburgh, Cora to New York, IC to San Francisco, Bug to Orlando, Mac to Portland Patches to Minneapolis, and I’d take Kansas City.  We decided to meet back at the warehouse in a week whether we found the little bastard or not.  So as we all snuck aboard one of the flights, we pondered the destinations we were going, and what adventures might lie ahead…..

TO BE CONTINUED………..

Some day’s I like to lay around naked with my dingle dangle hanging out, singing opera, and eating chocolate ice cream…I call this my Dingle Dangle Diva Day…This has nothing to do with anything I was just putting it down on paper to let everyone know I have a Dingle Dangle Diva Day…

I was walking in the park the other day whistling some phat beats, when I stumbled upon a small newspaper with ladies on it…It was called the Victoria’s Secret catalog…Who is this Victora and what is her so-called secret?…I decided to go on a journey to find out…this proved to be a little more difficult than I thought…Spherx and the gang had locked me in the park after I had smeared poop-staches on all of their self painted portraits…To be fair I painted one on my painting also…

So I had to plan an escape out of my poop-stache-painting-prison…but in order to do so I needed to make them think I was still inside that prison…so I, using a series of flowers and grass blades, painted a to scale version of myself standing in the corner…I then hid in the bushes and made a bunch of whispers to make people think that I needed to talk to them…Patches walked by and I whispered, “Free Brains”…he seemed to hear nothing and kept walking…Cora walked by and I whispered, “Hey there is a coupon to a hair boutique in here”…nothing…finally some carny looking bastard who had a wheel holding his head up was walking by…I whispered, “Hey Bro come check this out”…He paused and opened the gate using his massive head butting powers…

I started to walk out when I realized he too left a stream of urine on the ground…curious…any who I ran off to find Victoria’s Secret…I hope it is something dirty…like really dirty…

So I decided I’d do some spring cleaning, now that it’s summer, so I ventured into the store room to set about shredding a bunch of our old files. That’s when I found a box full of my old incriminating evidence from various crimes I committed! I didn’t just throw that out, I burned it! While I was waiting for the fire to die down I noticed a peculiar box in the corner stacked upon a column of other file boxes and decided to flip through it. The box wasn’t labeled and to my surprise, inside was a cache of polaroids of various chitti that I didn’t recognize. One was extremely obese looking, and another had a ginormous forehead propped up by a crutch on a wheel. It was kinda gross but facinating at the same time.

Suddenly, while peeping through this mysterious box, I was started by the sound of a fart out in the hallway which caused me to drop the box and lose some of the photos in the crack between the file boxes and the wall. I yelled “Fuck!” and pulled the boxes from the wall so I could get to them but soon discovered a tiny, recessed door as well. Naturally I had to investigate further and upon opening it, was over-whelmed by the stench of ramen noodles and dried blood.

The door revealed a smelly dark passageway that I cautiously crawled into. The floor got stickier and squishier as I snuck further and further into the blackness until, finally, I saw a sliver of light at the other end. I pushed aside numerous cobwebs to get a closer look at what appeared to be Cora’s room. I didn’t see much else after that because I was swifty transported from the tunnel and somehow fell out of the sky and into the neighboring junkyard with the vicious guard dogs.

As I ran for my life, I wondered about the mysterious cavern I crawled through…

It is time for a new job…I have looked extensively and I have decided to apply for the position of hot dog maker…My job consists of filling the skin with the ingredients that go into a hot dog…and I know that the inside of a hot dog is made up of; sawdust, ants, pig lips, human ears, bat wings, laughter, baby tears, and shovel tips…I was curious why people eat all of this shit, but then I grilled one with the team on my first day and, HOLY SHIT!!!These things are fucking amazing…My first day on the line I think I ate fifty one…I found out that the hot dog eating record was…sixty eight hot dogs…so, determined, I tried to up my score day by day…My second day I ate fifty six…I know you all are jealous…

About ten minutes after I ate the second round of hot dogs, I had to poop so bad that I could not breathe…with no where else to poop I hooked up the filling tube to my ass and filled the hot dogs with my smelly inside paste…This turned out to be one of the worst things I have ever done, because the person after my in the filling line said that the hot dogs smelled terrible and that we should taste check the first few…rather than watch every one eat my poop and loose my job I made the choice to eat all of the poop dogs…the first few were awful…like really awful…so bad that I had to throw up down the tube in to the hot dog skin, thus creating Up Dogs…hehehe…what’s Up Dogs???

So there I was eating Poop, Up, and Hot dogs…I got really sick…Pretty soon I was secreting fluids and stuff from all orifices…what I will not say, lets just end it with Children Dogs..anyways…I had to quit the job due to CDC Law and return to the domain…but at least I made two hundred bucks while I was there…